The Christmas season was especially meaningful this past year as we celebrated our last holiday as a single couple. It was/is unfathomable to imagine how much different this Christmas will be with an extra stocking on the mantle and a baby rummaging around in all the gifts and wrapping paper. I was especially struck by the idea that God chose a young pregnant girl to present the world this magnificent gift and a little, innocent baby to save it. I remember thinking HOW did God the Father bare to sacrifice His only Son? I was a new mom and already experiencing the wild and feral protectiveness of my unborn child. I would be unable to do this - sacrifice myself? Yes. I think I could for a greater good (I hope I would) but my child? No. I don't think I would be that strong.
After the Holidays were past we went in for our 20 week ultrasound and got to see our little baby for the first time since the initial ultrasound to confirm pregnancy. We had heard the little heartbeat many times and each one was magical but to see the growth from the very beginning was incredible. God had been busy! Baby was perfect - beautifully formed and growing at a rate that astonishes me every time I consider that 20 weeks prior there was nothing and now there was the darling, active little baby soon very capable of sustaining life all on it's own. That is God's mysterious magic - to create something out of nothing.
We also found out the gender! Our baby was a healthy little boy! I had honestly not hoped for one gender over the other - whatever God wanted to give us, THAT is exactly what I wanted. But for some reason I thought it was going to be a girl. So it was a little bit of a shock to discover that I was now a "boy mom" and would have the raising of a little man to do. I think I would have felt more prepared if it had been a girl - first-hand experience and all. Diego was thrilled. There are not a lot of Paiva's - in fact he is the only male in his family line and now our baby boy would carry on the family name. Maybe this is archaic but I have always loved genealogy and I am so proud of my husband and his family that I am glad the Paiva line continues on another generation.
With the gender came a name: Sawyer Grant. We had of course talked through dozens of names but this one was something we both liked and we returned to it again again. It isn't a family name but I loved the meaning and connotations associated with it. First of all, it has that classic Americana spin, made famous by Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer. It brings to mind a simpler time in recent past when freckled-faced boys ran around barefoot with a cane fishing pole getting into mischief and having adventures in the outdoors. We wanted that simple, boyish thirst for fun and exploration to be a part of Sawyer's childhood. And I am a sucker for literary names, Mark Twain being an American treasure.
But second to that, more complicated to explain, is the meaning of the name itself. Sawyer is a craft name, a occupation name, literally meaning " he who saws wood" - it's similar to a Carter or Hunter or Taylor - these names used to tell you a lot about a person because their name was also the work that they did in society. I liked this because I do not want my son to be afraid or shy away from hard work. Honest, hard work is the mark of a real man who takes pride and responsibility with his strength and skill to contribute something useful to himself and others. He has great role-models in this as my dad is a skilled tradesman and spent many years of his life working in construction and carpentry and my father-in-law used his incredible, curious mind and talents to work as a hydroelectric engineer in Brasil. He will do well if he follows in the footsteps of his grandfathers. Not to mention his hard working Dad!
Finally, the fact that Sawyer means someone who is skilled with his hands and works with wood? Well, one day I will tell him the Story of how a simple, small-town Carpenter took on a wooden cross with his scarred hands and saved the whole world.
And his middle name? Grant. It is of Scottish origin (my maiden name, Chambers, is of Scottish lineage) and means "grand, tall or great." This seemed appropriate too as we have grand, tall and great dreams and hopes for Sawyer Grant's life and future. We began to pray even then that God would call him by name and that he would grow into a young boy and a young man who would become a friend of God. There can be no greater or grander or wilder or more wonderful adventure than knowing God personally and intimately. This is my most earnest prayer for my son: that no other joy or passion or love would ever be greater in his life than that of his friendship and fellowship with Christ. As Beth Moore is famous for saying, "There is no high, like the Most High." And she is right.
We decorated his nursery in deep navy blue with vintage airplanes. It is the sweetest little room and was all ready for him to arrive. We knew he would need to become a little world-traveler quickly to visit his grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins across the US and Brasil - so the airplanes were a playful nod to his traveling future.
The 2nd and 3rd Trimester flew by with some sweet surprise shower's for Sawyer from both Diego and I's coworkers. We were very blessed by the kindness of strangers in this sense as both of our families live miles and states and countries and hemispheres apart. We often feel isolated but God provided such sweet gifts and blessings to our little guy through our friends and coworkers and neighbors.
At some point all the planning and dreaming and waiting and expecting nears the end and for me, I was so ready to meet him but I did try to slow time a bit and savor these fleeting days where he and I were one. Where every little move and flutter of his limbs I felt and shared with him. It is a precious intimacy - to be joined like this. I can't help but be so grateful for the gift and miracle of pregnancy. How God would choose me to be his mother; to carry him and wait with him and shelter him and, very soon, to deliver him into this great, wide world. It has been my life's greatest privilege to become his Mother. And we were about to meet for the first time.
Part 4 to come...
Love reading about your journey into motherhood. You are all loved
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